In Memory Of

I know death is natural and part of life, but I have the hardest time when death comes unexpectedly. Death of children or of parents with small children gets me the most. I've been lucky in my life to not had to much experience of death. My grandpa died when I was like 16 and my uncle died when I was pregnant with Lorin. I had a friend loose her dad in high school and that was really hard. And I have friend who lost a son when he was 2 and can/could never imagine the struggle of that. And that has been my brief experiences of death. So when a friend of mine died last week it was hard. She was younger than me and had 3 small children. I have a firm testimony of The Plan of Salvation but I hurt for the pain that her kids will have in their life without their mom. At the funeral yesterday the bishop got up and talked about the presumptions we make in this life with the little knowledge that we have. And you can take that to so many levels, little petty presumptions all the way up to the big, what makes the world turn, presumptions.
It wasn't that long ago that I had a break down, I was the sickest I had ever been. I was losing weight at an extremely unhealthy rate and I was in pain. We didn't know what was wrong with me and we were waiting for some final tests. I just broke down in tears because I didn't want to live my life sick. I wanted to have the energy and health to play with my kids and be involved with them. We found out I have Celiac Disease, the same disease that my friend that died had. It wasn't the disease that directly killed her, but some effects from it. One of the things that was said yesterday, It's not how long you lived your life but how well you lived it. I think one of the things I walk away with after a tragedy is a self check.
This is not a usual post for me, but for the last week it's really been on my mind.